The Valentine's Day Conundrum
by Musickat18
Summary: Happy Valentine's Day Amy


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing unfortunately. The Big Bang Theory and it's characters all belong to the creators of the show.

**A/N: I've had this idea for a couple of months now, but decided to hang on to it until now. I wanted to post it prior to the ep because I'm sure it'll render it a moot point. haha. And also I wanted to post it today because today is my 1 year anniversary of the first fic I ever posted. Woot. :) Fair warning, for males and those who otherwise don't want to read it, this fic talks about Menses. ;) (Albeit not in any great detail). Enjoy!**

**The Valentine's Day Conundrum**

Sheldon eagerly stepped out of the cab and paid the driver – although to call him a driver was stretching it a bit.

_If only I hadn't left my bus pants at home,_ he thought. He walked into the convenience/pharmaceutical store and walked directly towards the aisle marked "feminine hygiene". He was going over to Amy's this evening and his calendar indicated that her menses was soon upon her. He had taken to tracking it soon after that debacle with Wil Wheaton in order to make sure that he was emotionally prepared for Amy's inevitable hormonal onslaughts. Having been with Amy several times when she purchased the necessary supplies, he knew exactly what to purchase.

As he was walking towards the aisle, he happened upon the Valentine's Day chocolates. Although the aisle was so big and red he doubted he could have missed it. Given this particular day, it was probably best if he picked out a box. Sheldon scanned the aisle, wondering how on earth he was going to pick the appropriate chocolates when there were no less than eighty-three different boxes to choose from. Deciding he had to start eliminating options, he started by discarding all boxes that were over five dollars. This brought the options down to twenty-two. He surveyed the remaining option and discarded all the ones which did not explicitly outline what types of chocolates were available inside.

_Who would want to blindly choose a chocolate?_ he thought, shaking his head.

Now he was left with three options: a small, heart-shaped box, a chocolate shaped like a heart, and what appeared to be an enormous Hershey's Kiss. Not liking its enormous size, nor its implication, Sheldon decided to discard the Hershey's Kiss. He then looked between the heart-shaped box and the heart-shaped chocolate. Neither one explicitly had anything to recommend it to him. He checked his watch, learning that if he was to be on time he would have to make a speedy decision, and decided to go with the heart shaped box.

Having made that decision, he continued on to the feminine hygiene aisle. When he got there he walked to the place where Amy always picked her favored box of maxi pads, and then halted. Where the box should be there was instead a little sticker which said "temporarily out of stock." He frowned. Well how on earth was he supposed to get Amy what she needed when the store didn't even have it?

He thought about texting Amy, but he didn't want to ruin his surprise. He would just have to pick an acceptable substitute. He looked to the right and to the left, only then realizing how many options were available to him. This was worse than the chocolates.

_How many different kinds of feminine hygiene products were really necessary?_ he wondered. _Surely after all these years they could have perfected a universally accepted hygiene product._

He sighed and decided he had best get to work. He immediately eliminated tampons, knowing that Amy never used them. Unfortunately that left him with over half the products left to choose from. He thought about the specific features listed on the box which Amy always purchased. Wings. He looked around and saw that at least seventy-five percent of the remaining products contained wings. He saw one that was listed as "natural" and immediately discarded the option. Neither he nor Amy were hippies, in need of all natural things. Why buy natural when science has surely improved it?

Sheldon picked up two boxes at random to start comparing, ever aware that his time was dwindling. He looked at each listed selling point, noting with frustration that they were completely identical. He set them both down and picked up two more boxes. One claimed to have better "leak protection" – which made Sheldon shudder to think about – and the other claimed to be "more absorbent". Sheldon turned his head back and forth between the two. Which was better? Shouldn't they both be leak free and as absorbent as possible?

Just then a pimple-faced employee walked past and Sheldon said, "You there. I need your assistance."

The employee, looking to be about eighteen years old, stopped and asked, "How can I help?"

Sheldon held up the two boxes. "If you were a female, which would you think is more important?" He held up one box. "Leak Protection?" He held up the other box. "Or perhaps better absorption?"

The lad's eyes grew large and he started stammering. "I…uh…how would I know?" he asked, his voice cracking.

Before Sheldon could respond, the teen walked away hastily, looking once behind him as he rounded the corner of the aisle.

_That was rather unhelpful,_ Sheldon thought. _I'm going to have to alert his supervisor._

He looked at the two boxes in his hand, and then at his watch. He was supposed to meet Amy in no less than fifty-five more minutes, which meant if he had any hope of arriving on time, especially given that he had to first make another stop and then go change into what Amy deems appropriate attire for the evening, then he would have to make a decision. He looked between the two boxes again before deciding to buy both.

After making his purchases he took another taxi to his apartment, with a short detour to complete his other errand. He quickly removed his work clothes and changed into his evening attire. Then he hastily threw the boxes of maxi pads and chocolates into a gift bag, stuffing the white tissue paper over it, grabbed the evening's other item, and ran out of the apartment.

After a third harrowing, and expensive, taxi ride, Sheldon arrived at Amy's with three minutes to spare. He stood in front of her doorway watching his watch. When seven o'clock arrived, he knocked three series of threes. Amy immediately opened the door with a smile.

"I love how punctual you are," she beamed up at him.

Sheldon simply nodded and then handed her the bag without saying anything. Amy smiled up at him. "Oh Sheldon, you got me a gift?"

He simply watched as she pulled the tissue paper out and then frowned. She looked up at him.

"You got me maxi pads?"

Sheldon smiled at her. "Yes. I know that your menses is due to start any day now, and I know how you like to be prepared." When Amy didn't respond Sheldon pointed at the boxes. "I realize this isn't your usual brand, but they were temporarily out of stock so I had to make a snap decision. The employee I asked to help me was shockingly unhelpful, so I picked both boxes because I didn't know if you found leak protection or maximum absorption preferable." He smiled again at her and pointed at the bag. "But you haven't finished opening it."

Amy looked back in the bag and then smiled, setting the boxes down and reaching inside. "You got me chocolates for Valentine's Day?" She looked up. "Sheldon, that's so romantic."

Sheldon frowned in confusion. "Valentine's Day? No the chocolates are for the cravings associated with the start of your menses."

Amy blinked once. "Oh." She looked down at the chocolates and then at the boxes on her couch. "So you didn't bring me anything for Valentine's Day?"

Sheldon looked affronted. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I brought you a Valentine's Day present. You know as well as I do that the Relationship Agreement specifies Valentine's Day presents must be exchanged. _You_ were the one who insisted on adding it."

Sheldon drew his hand from behind his back to reveal the other item of the evening, one dozen red roses. He didn't care much for the flower himself, but as it was considered social protocol to give roses on Valentine's Day, he had had little choice.

Amy's face lit up. "Sheldon," she breathed, grabbing them. "They're beautiful!" She looked them for a moment and then, without warning, launched herself at Sheldon, grabbing him in a vice-like hug. "Thank you!"

Sheldon was unable to say anything until she finally let go. He cleared his throat. "You're welcome. Now let's go or we'll be late for our reservation."

Amy nodded, quickly running into the kitchen to grab a glass, fill it, and set the bouquet inside. Then she ran back over, glancing at the bouquet once more and smiling before walking out the door.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


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